The Friday Night Horror Movie: Subservience (2024)

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I don’t pay super close attention to what new movies are coming out and when. I follow enough movie critics on social media that I hear some of the buzz, but I really don’t give it much heed. I don’t spend a lot of time watching new movie trailers or reading reviews, etc. But I have a general idea of what movies people are talking about.

The Substance is a new horror movie starring Demi Moore. It is getting a lot of good buzz and is definitely on my radar. Subservience is a new horror movie starring Megan Fox. It is not getting good buzz, but rather a lot of panning when anyone is talking about it at all.

Because I don’t pay close attention to these things I got these two movies mixed up. I put on Subservience thinking it was getting a good buzz. Within twenty minutes of watching it, I was confused.

People are really liking this movie? Maybe it gets better towards the end.

My friends, it did not get better towards the end, or at the end, or after the credits rolled. It is a stupid, stupid movie. It takes a old, dumb trope, and does nothing new with it. I should have realized something was up the moment I saw it was directed by S.K. Dale who also helmed Til Death which was just as dumb.

But it is also kind of fun? It reminded me a little of those dumb erotic thrillers I used to watch in the 1990s.

Nick (Michele Morrone) is a decent dude. He has a good job, a loving wife, a precocious daughter, and a baby boy. He’s living the American Dream. Except for that loving wife, she’s dying. She desperately needs a heart transplant.

Working that good job while taking care of those two kids and trying to be there for his wife is a little more than he can handle. So he does what anyone in that situation would do. He buys a super hot robot to handle the domestic chores.

Her name is Alice (Megan Fox) and she’s programmed to take care of his every need and desire (wink, wink, nudge nudge.) He doesn’t bother to tell his wife, Maggie (Madeline Zima) who is basically a permanent resident at the hospital that the robot he bought looks like Megan Fox. The look on her face when she first sees Alice is precious.

Alice is good with the kids, she’s great at cleaning up, and she’s a pretty good cook (though her lasagna is nothing like mom’s.) She can tell Nick is stressed out and would do anything to help relieve it for him.

You can see where this is going. Alice’s programming gets mucked up causing her to go haywire. If Nick is stressed then she’ll take off her robe and give him a release. If some guy at work is causing problems then she’ll go to his house and shoot him in the face. If Maggie’s health problems are causing trouble then she has to go to.

It is the kind of film where you have to just enjoy the ride. Because if you start thinking about it you’ll start to wonder things like: How can a guy with a relatively low-level construction job afford a big house, what must be enormous medical bills, and what can only be an incredibly expensive robot? Or why is the robot anatomically correct in every way? Are they all programmed to seduce? Or how can a person who just had a heart transplant do all that running and sexing and fighting?

Those aren’t questions the film is prepared to answer. It is better to just enjoy the not-particularly talented Megan Fox give a robotic performance that actually works in her favor for once. Or dig into the nostalgic vibe this thing is giving off. They don’t really make erotic thrillers like this anymore (even if the erotic aspects are fairly tame and it never quite thrills like you want it to.)

Awesome ’80s in April: The Bedroom Window (1987)

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After a work party, Terry (Steve Guttenberg) talks Sylvia (Isabelle Hubbert), his boss’ wife, into going back to his apartment and to bed with him. After the lovemaking, Terry goes to the bathroom. Sylvia hears a noise outside. She sees a man attacking a woman. She struggles with opening the window and the noise startles the man, and he runs away.

She thinks about calling the cops to tell them what she’s seen, but she fears this will lead to her husband finding out about the affair. The next day they learn a different woman was raped and murdered not far from the apartment, just 30 minutes after the attack Sylvia witnessed.

Still fearing retribution from the husband, but now believing the man Sylvia saw was likely the man who murdered the other woman, Terry decides to call the police and pretend he was the witness. Sylvia gives him the details of the attacker and at first, the conversation with the police goes well.

Naturally, there are complications.

In order to arrest the killer they need more information from Terry, but he can’t give that information because he really didn’t witness anything. More murders occur and Terry’s desire to tell the real truth increases, but Sylvia remains unwilling to come forward. Terry does some investigating on his own and meets Denise (Elizabeth McGovern) the girl who was attacked outside his apartment.

The Bedroom Window follows some standard Noir tropes but with interesting modifications. Steve Guttenberg is either a brilliant choice for the lead actor, or an awful one. I know him from the Police Academy movies and Three Men and a Baby. He has such a goofy, gentle presence it is difficult to believe he could seduce someone like Isabelle Hubbert. Though it is quite easy to believe he could be the typical noir patsy.

But that’s just it, Sylvia isn’t the typical femme fatale. She isn’t involved in the murders. She doesn’t set Terry up. She simply witnessed one assault. She does become a cold fish the more Terry tries to convince her to come forward as a witness, but before that, she seems like a lady in a loveless marriage looking for some fun.

Denise is an interesting monkey wrench in the proceedings as well. She becomes a secondary love interest to Terry, but she’s also deep into the mix of trying to figure out who the killer is. She seems more out of a detective story – the plucky kid who helps the detective – than a film noir. She’s also the only actor who even attempts a Baltimore accent which is kind of distracting.

Terry makes idiotic decision after idiotic decision which digs him deeper into trouble. The film never quite makes me believe he’s as dumb as his actions make him out to be which caused me to yell at the TV more than once.

Director Curtis Hanson, who would later make LA Confidential one of the all-time great neo-noirs, keeps things moving briskly and with great style. The Bedroom Window isn’t great, but it is well worth watching if you dig neo-noirs with a slice of erotic thrillers thrown in.

Awesome ’80s in April: Call Me (1985)

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I freaking love the Criterion Channel. I say that every time I resubscribe. I don’t know why I ever take a break from it. I try to keep the number of streaming services I subscribe to down to three each month. Generally speaking, the wife gets a service, the daughter gets a service and I get one. I love Criterion but sometimes I want to watch a show on HBO Max or some other service and so I’ll pause my Criterion subscription. I’m always so excited when I come back.

Seriously, why do I ever leave?

Beyond having an amazing selection of incredible movies, the Criterion Channel is one of the few subscription services that actually bother to curate their films. They group their films by themes, or actors/directors, or other ideas. They often have interesting people come on and talk about their films. They include extras like audio commentaries and old making-of documentaries. Etc., etc., etc., It is a brilliant streaming service.

This month they are doing a series on Erotic Thrillers of the 1980s and 1990s. I’m thinking very seriously about making that my movie theme for May, but for now I’m talking about Call Me, a film I’d never heard of until I resubscribed to Criterion Channel (one of the many other wonderful reasons to subscribe).

Anna (Patricia Charbonneau) is a young journalist for an indie newspaper in New York. She’s in a fairly lifeless relationship with her boyfriend. One night she gets an obscene phone call from what she thinks is her boyfriend. The dude tells her to show up at a local bar and to leave her panties behind. The boyfriend is a no-show, but there is a strange dude who starts to hit on her. Getting away from him she hides in the bathroom where she witnesses a cop kill a transwoman over some stolen cash.

The obscene calls keep coming. She soon realizes they aren’t coming from her boyfriend but some stranger. She likes what he says. She gets really into it. She’s pretty sure the caller is the weird guy who was hitting on her in the bar (Stephen McHattie). He happens to be connected to the murder but she doesn’t know that yet. A young Steve Buscemi is also connected to it. He plays a character called Switchblade which is pretty awesome.

It never quite finds a way to seamlessly combine the erotic parts of the film with the thriller. So you wind up with some scenes where these scary dudes are trying to locate Anna because they think she’s got the cash, and scenes where she’s doing the sexy talk with some random on the phone. Eventually, those things come together but for most of the film’s run time, it feels like two different movies.

I quite liked Patricia Charbonneau in this, I’ll be interested in catching some other things she’s done, although looking at her career on IMDB it appears to be spotty at best. I do really like films from the 1980s that were shot on location in New York. It is always cool to see the city during this time period.