The Friday Night Horror Movie: Cronos (1992)

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I find I have mixed feelings about Guillermo del Toro. He’s clearly a great visual stylist, and his apparent love of cinema imbues all of his films with a certain reverent love, but I find his stories to be hit or miss. Because of that, I’ve been putting off watching his first film, Cronos, afraid that I’d be disappointed.

I was not.

With caveats.

Cronos is basically a vampire story, though one that is different from any vampire story I’ve ever seen. It begins with a prologue where we’re informed that in the 1500s some alchemist invented a scarab-looking device that will prolong one’s life forever.

Flash to the present, and Jesús Gri (Federico Luppi) finds the scarab hidden in the bottom of a statue a strange man left in his shop. He fiddles with it, and it opens; the scarab’s legs extend, grabbing his arm, while a stinger pricks his skin. Inside the scarab, we see a living creature sucking the blood.

The next morning, Jesús feels good. And he looks younger. Also, he’s got a hankering for some blood. At a party a man has a nosebleed, and Jesús laps it up like a dog. Then he’s bumped on the head and killed. Or not killed, as he can no longer die.

The killer is Angel de la Guardia (a young Ron Pearlman). He’s the son of Dieter de la Guardia (Claudio Brook), a rich, dying man who’s been trying to find the scarab for many years. He’s got a book that tells you how to use the scarab. He wants to make a deal with Jesús so they can both live together. Or he’ll just kill Jesús and take the scarab. Either way is fine.

There is also a little girl named Aurora (Tamara Shanath) who is Jesús’ granddaughter, and Mercedes (Margarita Isabel), his wife. Del Toro tries to do a lot with them emotionally, but they feel underwritten. Especially Mercedes.

There are some of the tropes of vampire movies – Jesús feels pain at sunlight, Aurora builds him a coffin to sleep in. And some utterly wild additions – Jesús’ skin peels off revealing a blindingly white skin underneath.

It definitely feels like a first movie, but the practical effects are mostly terrific. Del Toro has always been a master of those. It is a lot of fun watching Perlman at this stage of his career, acting a bit more goofy than menacing. The whole thing is well worth your time.

New Year, New You: Lost In America (1985)

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Albert Brooks is one of those guys whom I naturally like, but I don’t actually know all that well. I’ve seen him in films like Taxi Driver and Out of Sight, where he played memorable side characters. I loved him in Finding Nemo and Drive. He was amazing as Homer’s James Bondian boss on The Simpsons. Etc. But he’s been in a million other things, he’s made comedy albums, and most importantly (for this post anyway) he’s written and directed several underseen but beloved movies.

I would often hear film nerds talk about the films he made as a director and think to myself that I ought to watch them, but I never seemed to get around to it. But then when I saw Lost In America show up on the Criterion Channel (as part of their Fresh Starts collection – a theme that fits in perfectly with mine), I decided to give it a go. I’m glad I did because it is delightful.

Brooks stars as David Howard, who has a successful job at an ad agency. His wife, Linda (Julie Hagerty) works in HR at a department store. They make good money, drive nice cars, and live in a nice house. They are successful but unsatisfied. David is up for a promotion at his job, and he’s quite sure he’ll get it. He’ll be an executive with a much larger salary. He’s so sure he’ll get it he’s already put a large down payment on a much bigger house, and he’s regularly talking to a guy about buying an expensive car. This, he thinks, will surely make him happy.

Or will it? Brooks gives David that nervous persona many of his characters have. He’s nerdy and nebbish and constantly worries.

Of course he doesn’t get the promotion. Instead, he’s asked to move from LA to New York, where he’ll run the newly acquired Ford campaign. His boss thinks he’ll be happy with the move. He’s staying in the creative field, where he strives instead of being bored in the executive branch. But David is furious. He wanted that promotion. He deserved that promotion. That promotion would have made him fulfilled. He absolutely loses it, and his boss fires him.

But then, he has an epiphany. Maybe losing his job was the best thing for him. Maybe he was living in a rut and didn’t know it. The rat race is no place for a man like him. He talks his wife into quitting her job. They sell the house; they sell everything. They buy a big RV and make big plans to drop out of life like in Easy Rider. They’ll get back to nature. They will travel the country completely free.

The genius of this film (which was cowritten by Brooks and Monica Johnson) is that they never get anywhere. Their first destination is Las Vegas, and they spend that first night not in their RV but in a chintzy hotel where the beds are shaped like hearts (but aren’t big enough for the two of them to sleep together.) By the morning, disaster has struck, and they have to drastically change their plans.

There is one scene late in the film where David is looking for a job in a small town in Arizona. He goes to an employment agency and tells the man about his previous job, where he made $100,000 a year. When he explains that he’s quit his job so he could change his life, the counselor replies, “You couldn’t change your life on a hundred thousand a year?”

That’s a perfect encapsulation of the movie. These two yuppies have everything and aren’t happy. Someone with much less cannot even begin to fathom what they could be unhappy about or why they find themselves broken down in the middle of nowhere. The line delivery is also absolutely hysterical.

It was about that point in the film that I started to worry it was going to screw up the landing. There was a way they could have ended it that would have felt wrong. I don’t want to spoil how they got there or how it ends, but they did not go in that direction and it ends perfectly.

It is a film that I found more enjoyable than hilarious. I laughed at a few scenes, but mostly I just smiled with amusement. Brooks pitches the film with an ironic smile, and he’s perfectly cast against Julie Hagerty. Most of the film is just them talking, and arguing, and they are perfect together.

I’m very much looking forward to his other directorial efforts.

New Year, New You: January’s Movie Theme

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I’ve spent a lot of time trying to think of a new theme for January. A couple of years ago I did a theme called “Frozen in January” which was all about watching movies that took place in some frosty climate, but that proved difficult. I couldn’t find that many movies set in cold places.

I’m a big fan of alliteration, and you can see that with Awesome ’80s in April, Mysteries in May, Animation in August, and Sci-Fi in July (ok, technically that last one isn’t alliteration, but it is a good rhyme.) But I couldn’t figure anything out that worked with January.

My wife suggested something to do with the new year, and that felt right. A good movie theme needs to be able to encompass a lot of movies. I should be able to find lots of movies within that theme, and there should also be a little wiggle room. I’ll get bored if I’m watching basically the same movie over and over again.

New Year, New You could mean a lot of things. A lot of us make resolutions for the new year; we try to make meaningful changes in our lives. We aren’t always successful, but a new year brings with it hope. Maybe this year we will lose that weight, or write that book, or do whatever thing we really wish we could do to improve ourselves.

There are lots of interesting films where a character sets out to improve themselves. Or often they don’t set out to do anything, but they find themselves on a quest, and that changes them. Or if not a quest, they get involved in something that changes them before the credits roll. There are hero’s journeys and character arcs. I can work with a theme like that.

Journeys can also mean travel. I might write about movies in which the characters take a long trip to somewhere. I actually thought about doing an entire theme on road trip movies, but that seemed a little more limiting than I wanted it to be.

I never know how these themes are going to go when I start them. Sometimes I write about a lot of movies and have a lot of fun. Sometimes I struggle to find anything to watch. Sometimes they keep going year after year, and other times I never return to it.

I hope this one lasts. It sounds fun to me. I hope it sounds fun to you.