The Friday Night Horror Movie: 10 Cloverfield Lane (2016)

10 cloverfield lane poster

The MCU has ruined cinema in so many ways. I mean I’m a fan of many of their films but the way that they essentially steamrolled Hollywood has created numerous problems. Listen to Martin Scorsese for the details, but one of those issues was that it made every movie try to become part of its own cinematic universe.

10 Cloverfield Lane is the perfect example of this. Cloverfield was a JJ Abrams film in which…actually, you know what? I’m not going to spoil what Cloverfield was about. If you haven’t seen that film, if you haven’t even heard of it then I’m gonna let you exist in ignorance. It isn’t a bad film, but staying in the dark on that film is a very good thing when it comes to watching this one.

10 Cloverfield Lane is a movie that was developed on its own. It was only later when they actually moved forward into the process of making it that they decided to make it part of the Cloverfield Cinematic Universe and tacked on an ending to fit that sequence, and well, that was a dumb idea.

Anyway, Mary Elizabeth Winstead stars as Michelle, a woman who as the film begins is running away from her fiancé. They’ve had a fight and she can’t handle it.

Out on the road, in the middle of nowhere Louisiana, she has a terrible accident that renders her unconscious. Sometime later she awakes inside a bare, cinderblock bunker. There is an IV connected to her arm and a brace connected to her leg. She’s also chained to the wall. Terrified she tries to escape, but to no avail.

Then in walks a massive, hulking man. His name is Howard (John Goodman). He tells her she can’t escape, tosses her a key to her chains, and then shuts and locks the door. Eventually, he lets her out and shows her around his rather large, and fully accommodated underground bunker. He tells her a story about how he rescued her from that car wreck and brought her down there to escape…something. Something bad. An attack of some sort. He thinks it was Russians or possibly aliens but they’ve made the air poisonous. Only they survived and they are stuck down there for at least a year.

The they also includes Emmett (John Gallagher Jr.) Howard’s neighbor who helped build the bunker and is a believer in the invasion story. He saw it with his own eyes. Michelle is skeptical. Howard is clearly unstable. One minute he’s a kindly, country farmer, the next he’s grabbing onto her shoulders and screaming. He built this bunker expecting something terrible and now he’s imagined it.

The screenplay wavers. There are moments when it seems as if Howard is crazy, that the outside terrors are just his imagination. And then a moment later we’ll see something that makes us believe. As the film moves forward Michelle begins to realize that the horrors inside might just be worse than the horrors outside.

It is an incredibly well-constructed, tension-filled, little horror-thriller. I love films that are set entirely inside a single setting and the bunker is a fantastic place for this movie. It is small and claustrophobic while still having enough rooms and crannies to keep things interesting. The film twists and turns in the most fascinating ways. When she first finds herself chained up in that little room we expect the worst. We expect what horror movies usually give us in those scenarios. But the film doesn’t give us that, it gives us something else.

The ending does tie itself to the Cloverfield universe and I don’t really love that, but also it is surprisingly tense. Giving us an answer to the question as to what is going on outside was always going to be a letdown, and yet again it worked for me on a beat-for-beat cellular level. I mean it was scary.

Goodman gives an absolutely fantastic performance. I wish he’d been given more opportunities like this. Winstead and Gallagher are likewise superb. It isn’t a perfect movie, but it’s a really good one.

31 Days of Horror: Black Christmas (2006)

black christmas

Black Christmas (1974) is a seminal film in the horror genre. It is considered one of the earliest (if not the earliest) slasher films, and it still stands as one of the best. It highly influenced John Carpenter’s Halloween (1978) which became the Big slasher film, inspiring countless others over the next decade.

It makes perfect sense then that they would remake it in 2006 (I’m actually surprised it took them that long – they remade it again in 2019 as part of what is now being called the “Black Christmas Series”.)

I typically stay away from horror remakes (I say with a straight face after having just sat through two remakes of Invasion of the Body Snatchers), especially remakes of slasher films as they tend to be rather terrible. But this one has a great cast including Katie Cassidy, Michelle Trachtenberg, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, and Andrea Martin so I gave it a go.

It has been far too long since I have seen the original to do any kind of plot comparison, but I think the basics are the same. A group of sorority girls are systematically killed by a deranged killer in their sorority house.

I do remember that in the original the girls keep getting obscene phone calls on their landline and that creates tension every time the phone rings. In this version, they get phone calls but they are less obscene and more like someone screaming at them in an incomprehensible voice. This being 2006 everyone has cell phones and caller ID. The killer keeps stealing his victim’s phones to make the calls confusing everyone.

The characters in this one are all kind of obnoxious. They are either catty, or drunks, or sullen and angry. None of them are particularly likable and so I didn’t really mind when they got killed off.

The biggest problem with the film is that they spend a whole lot of time with the killer’s back story. Nobody in the history of slasher movies has ever cared about a killer’s back story. Who cares if his mommy was mean to him, or his daddy was an abusive drunk? Just let the guy be a psycho and let him kill everybody in interesting ways.

The kills, frankly, aren’t that interesting either. They are gruesome and bloody, but not particularly inventive. I mean when one character gives another one a glass unicorn for Christmas, you know how that’s gonna end up. But maybe I’m just getting too old for this stuff.

Stick to the original kids, it is much more fun.

As an aside, I have to say that I work in construction in the house building industry. I now notice goofy movie things involving construction scenes or just the ways houses exist in movies. In this one, the killer does a lot of crawling in between walls and underneath floorboards. Nobody builds spaces between walls big enough for a person to crawl through. It would be a waste of space and money.

There is a scene here in which the killer is underneath the bathroom floor spying on a woman taking a shower. He’s cut through the very thin plywood and lifts up each piece of tile. That’s not how that works. The wood has to be thick in order to support the weight of everything on top of it, including people walking around. Tiles are stuck to the floor, otherwise, they would get kicked around, broken, and lost.

Sorry, that stuff just drives me crazy anymore.