The Incredibe True Adventures of My Grandma

Originally published on June 1, 2006.  Sadly, my dear grandmother passed away several years ago.

If you looked up “little old lady” in the dictionary, you’d probably see a picture of my grandma. She’s as tiny as a tack and just as sharp.

A few nights ago she was robbed.  While sitting on her couch watching TV a young man broke the glass on her door and barged in.  He laid a pistol against her temple, laid her down on the couch, and asked for all her money.

“You can have all the money I’ve got,” she said, “but I only have $2.50.”

The robber grabbed her purse, rummaged through her wallet, and found that she was telling the truth.  Disgusted, he took the $2.50 and moved her to the bedroom.  He threw my grandmother onto the bed and covered her head with a blanket while he began looking around for valuables.

She began screaming as loud as she could for help.  The dog began to bark loudly.  The thief went to the other room hoping to find something of value.  When he left, Grandma got up quickly, found her jewelry box, and hid her more expensive jewels.

Jumping back into bed, throwing the covers over her head again, she asked the thief as he walked back into the room,

“Son, have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal Savior?”

He said he didn’t want to hear nothing about that and told her to lie still.

Grandma returned to her screaming for help and began to pray for safety.  The thief found the jewelry box and took a handful of the leftover cheap costume jewelry.

He then asked my grandmother if she had a car.  When she answered in the affirmative he told her that she was going to drive him to an ATM so that she could take out some cash for him.

“An AT…what?” she asked.  “Son, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Sure enough, as the thief looked through her wallet again, he saw no sign of any bank card.

Exasperated, he left the house and fled to safety, with $2.50 and some cheap costume jewelry.