The Office: Season 3, Episode 3 – “The Coup”

the office the coup

“Movie Monday” is an apparent office staple where the office watches thirty minutes of a movie each week. It started with some official training videos, morphed into random medical videos, and has now moved into such Hollywood fare as Varsity Blues.

Of course, Angela doesn’t approve, but everyone else seems to enjoy the half hour of non-work.

Jan comes in during the middle and breaks up the party, yelling at Michael for doing something so obviously non-productive. Angela takes this moment to decide Michael will run the office into the unemployment lines (possibly fueled by last week’s rumors that Stamford may be taking over the Straton branch. She corners Dwight in the break room and tells him that he deserves to run the office, not Michael.

Meanwhile, at the Stamford branch, the office plays Call of Duty religiously (ie while at work) and Jim sucks at it. This brings up some contention between the other members of the staff as they play on teams. Although it does bring a little flirtation from Karen.

Dwight secretly calls Jan and they meet at a restaurant. Dwight throws down on Michael, positions himself for a take-over, and seems to know way too much about Jan’s choice of clothes.

Jan calls Michael to inform him of the potential hostilities, and Michael uses this to pretend he has been demoted and that Dwight is now running the office. Dwight begins talking like a crazed dictator stating that only a few will remain in the office and makes a poorly conceived speech to the office prompting Jan to throw out this comment,

“I have this old vacuum that doesn’t work. Maybe if Dwight doesn’t work out we could make that the manager.”

Some new clothes are delivered to Pam that she ordered online and she gives a quick fashion show at lunch, but quickly puts back on her old sweater when Creed refuses to leave after obviously staring at her cleavage.

Eventually, Dwight insults Michaels’s car which causes him to blow the gag and let Dwight know he is still in charge. Dwight grovels and begs for his old job back and Michael agrees only after they “hug it out bitch.” Well and then Michael forces Dwight to wear a sign lettered “liar” and stand on a table.

My Name is Earl: Season 2, Episode 3 – “Sticks and Stones”

my name is earl sticks and stones

Originally posted on October 07, 2006.

I know, I know, I’m late on this. I was exhausted Thursday night and I forgot about it Friday. So I’ll use my notes and my lagging memory to give this week’s run down.

While holding down a lady at the motel for her face waxing Earl decides to cross off number ninety-one to the list, “made fun of Maggie Lester for having a mustache.” In the requisite flashback, we see Maggie introduced to the class for the first time and Earl makes your basic Tom Selleck, joke with “Maggie PI.”

Earl and Randy drive out to Shady Grove which is something of a freak town, housing many folks from a traveling sideshow – there’s the super tall guy, the fat lady, the super short guy, the guy with hands like lobsters, and of course the bearded lady who happens to be Maggie Lester.

Earl has a nice afternoon with Maggie who happens to be a very nice lady and she forgives him for making fun of her. Randy has a good time feeling her beard Yet as he is leaving they poke fun at the rest of the freaks and Earl realizes he can’t take Maggie off the list until he learns not to make fun of people for their differences.

So, the freaks have a barbeque and Earl learns that they are all good people.

In the funniest joke of the night, Randy asks the guy with a giant horn on his head if he’s able to take his head on a plane. Horn head guy replies no, not since 9-11, but that they are all doing what they can.

In celebration of his new friends, Earl tries to take them all out for ice cream, but they refuse for they would be made fun of outside their comfort zone. Earl thinks that’s silly, but then remembers a time he was made fun of for being different – when he was young he couldn’t jump off the high dive because of his freakishly hairy nipples.

Earl confronts the coach who made him take off his shirt only to be told (and held to the ground by an ear pinch) that the coach did it to him so that he’d learn to appreciate his differences.

Earl gains confidence and decides to jump off the diving board, and invites all his freak friends to watch. They are at first hesitant, but eventually show up and everybody decides to jump in. Earl’s story concludes by showing all the freaks took on real jobs and are happy.

The Joy side plot revolves around her meeting her deaf lawyer and not being willing to accept her as a lawyer. There were some good gags over Joy being so politically incorrect to an obviously intelligent lawyer (played with usual aplomb by Marlee Martin). When Joy finally sucks it up and apologizes to the lawyer, she winds up laughing in her face over the way she talks.

Overall a good episode, but nothing spectacular. I am beginning to think that I would probably not watch the show that often it changed schedules and no longer be the lead into The Office.

Doom (2005)

doom movie poster

One of my oldest and dearest friends and I had our first bonding moments while playing Doom. It was freshman year of college and another buddy of mine had Doom and the Doom-like Heretic on his computer. For reasons I won’t get into I had a key to this friend’s dorm room and used to sneak over to play while he was at work. The guy next door, Jamison, would then pop his head in and seeing what I was doing, would start playing when my turn was up. Many weekends were spent just like that, and through those games we became friends.

I suppose it is a pretty typical man thing to bond over playing games that focus on big guns and blood baths, but there we have it.

A movie based on the game was destined to be bad. Hollywood has a horrible record of converting games to films, and games are inherently difficult to map out into a two-hour piece of celluloid. Games are often low on plot, and give the players control over behavior. And for some dumb reasons, Hollywood producers can’t seem to grasp the things that make games so much fun in the first place.

In the film, the demon creatures are no longer from the depths of Hell but are genetic mutations created in a lab on Mars. It seems the scientists discovered ancient bones of Martian creatures with 24 chromosomes instead of the typical humanoid 23. Being dumb scientists they decide to inject humans with an extra chromosome to make them “super” and instead make them crazy mutant killers. (and yes that was a spoiler, but with a movie this dumb you’ll forgive me instantly.)

In the game, the scientists accidentally opened a portal to Hell while creating transport portals like in Star Trek. There is absolutely no reason to remove that part from the movie except that some screenwriter thought including a portal to Hell was too unbelievable and would hurt sales. Instead, we get this dumb mutant plot which is just as stupid and manage to alienate fans of the game in the process.

There is also more backstory than we need and a ridiculous subplot involving one of the marines and his sister who happens to be one of the scientists. It would have been so easy to use the game’s back story in a quick voice-over or title sequence and then dropped us straight into our marine killing demons. It could have been a great hour and a half of killer action and suspenseful horror. It wouldn’t have been great art, but it would have pleased fans and made more money. Instead, we get a big ball of stupid crap.

The one supposed redeeming moment is when the camera moves into first-person mode just like in the game, but even this looked mostly stupid. It looked too much like the game, actually, and ruined it. In the game, it was fun to not be able to see around corners only to turn them and find a bad guy lurking, but in a film, it was just kind of silly.

So, leave the movie at Blockbuster and download the game to relive those college memories

Manhattan Murder Mystery (1993)

manhatan murder mystery

Originally written and posted on October 5, 2006.

I’ve been watching Woody Allen films lately and I don’t know how I missed so many of them. I mean how could I be thirty years old and never seen half of his oeuvre? I just don’t get it…I mean I used to watch his films on the USA network when I was a kid – Bananas (1971), Everything You Wanted to Know About Sex, But Were Afraid to Ask (1972), that one about the guy who takes a nap and wakes up a hundred years later and there’s no sex, and I loved them all. I used to stay up late and watch them with my dad. Then I just stopped. I mean I did watch Annie Hall (1977) of course, but so many others…I don’t know…they just slipped by. I think it was watching Deconstructing Harry (1997) that did it. That one…I don’t know it felt like an old man making dirty jokes for two hours…it sounded so good in the magazines, but…I don’t know I couldn’t take it. And then I decided I had seen all the Woody Allen I wanted to see. But now, lately, I’ve been watching the rest, and I can’t believe I ever stopped.

(So that was my written Woody Allen impression. It’s funny, maybe.)

Manhattan Murder Mystery isn’t top-notch Woody Allen, but it’s pretty stinking good. It is basically your classic murder mystery premise with Woody Allen jokes.

Woody plays Larry who is married to Diane Keaton who plays Carol. They live in Manhattan (and I know this sounds pretty much like every Woody Allen movie, but stay with me) and their kindly old neighbor dies. Carol is almost immediately suspicious because the dead woman’s husband, Paul (Jerry Adler), is too chipper too quickly after the death of his spouse.

Carol enlists her friend Ted (Alan Alda) for the conspiracy while Larry thinks they are both nuts. Carol and Ted get deeper and deeper into trying to see how Paul could have done it and eventually (of course) realize that their little game has more truth to it than they could imagine. Soon everybody is knee-deep in a real death plot and must find a way to not only catch a crook, but stay alive as well.

The plot could have easily been lifted from Agatha Christie or Nancy Drew or any other of the millions of murder mystery writers. There is nothing original in the idea, but Woody Allen pulls it off masterfully, mixing the comedy and mystery in equal parts all in breezy, completely enjoyable way.

It may not be his best work, but it sure is fun to watch.

Lost: Season 3, Episode 1 – A Tale of Two Cities

lost a tale of two cities I have been anticipating tonight since the season two finale ended. I haven’t been this excited about TV since … well, ever. The season three premiere of Lost was like some crazy primitive religious rite. Fans and friends have been hyping it up for months. I was literally shaking with anticipation.

And then it began.

There are people in a house discussing a book. Who are these people? This must be a flashback. I had heard the new season was going to focus on The Others, so maybe this is a flashback to one of their early lives. The discussion gets heated and then there is something. An earthquake.

The house shakes; the people move close together, near support beams. The shaking stops and they run outside. It is a lovely looking place, with bright sun, and blue skies, like the suburbs of paradise. Then someone, a worker or someone, pops out from underneath something. Is that Ethan?

Holy crap it is. This must be Ethan’s back story. But no, there’s Henry Gale. This must be the aftermath of the explosion from the end of last season. What’s that in the sky? It is a plane — crashing.

It’s Flight 815; we’re seeing the crash from The Others’ point of view. Immediately Gale orders The Others to investigate and specifically tells Ethan to pretend he is a survivor.

Bam, commercial. Wow! That’s all I can say. Even my wife is impressed and she has totally lost her Lost momentum this summer.

After the break, we see what The Others have done to Kate, Sawyer, and Jack. Kate is in a large cinder block building with Zeke telling her to take a shower. She is defiant as ever but does take the shower only to find her clothes missing and a new girly dress in its place.

Sawyer awakes in a cage. It looks like something out of a whacky circus and there is an unknown man in the next cage. Sawyer uses his usual charm to question the man but gets nothing but silence in return. Amongst a variety of odd gadgets located in the cage, Sawyer spies one marked with a fork and knife. Pushing it, he gets only a warning. Pushing it again, the strange man warns him not to do it again. Sawyer does and is electrocuted.

Jack awakens in a small windowless room with one wall made out of a strong invisible plexiglass-type substance.

Commercial number two, WTF? We’re 14 minutes in and already at commercial number two! Last season was bad enough with commercials every 10 minutes, now we’re down to seven? Those bastard network executives.

After the break, we’re back to Jack and now he’s pulling on some chain trying to escape. A woman enters and offers him food. Jack refuses, playing the strong, stubborn Gandhi.

Kate is taken to the beach where she has breakfast with Henry Gale who tells her he wants her to have a pleasant memory because the next two weeks are going to be very unpleasant.

The unknown man in the cage next to Sawyer breaks free and lets Sawyer out. They run but are quickly captured by the woman who has been talking to Jack. Zeke makes the other escapee apologize to Sawyer before being taken back.

Eventually, Sawyer manages to figure out the series of levers to push and the food button now releases a doggie bone (with the word Dharma on it) and some more dry food, plus a stream of water. While eating, Kate is brought to the now-empty adjacent cage. Sawyer, obviously moved to see Kate plays it straight and is kind to her. He even tosses over his doggie bone for food.

Meanwhile, Jack finally gives in and accepts the food offered by the woman. She forces him to sit in the corner so that she can open the door and bring the food. As she opens the door, Jack runs for her and manages to subdue her with a sharp object. They leave the room only to find more doorways. Stopping at one Jack tells the woman to open it.

She refuses saying she’ll die if she does. Henry Gale comes in stating she’s right. Jack doesn’t listen and opens the door. Immediately, a flood of water pores in. Gale closes an escape door in the woman’s face letting her and Jack fend for themselves. They escape by pressing an emergency button and the woman knocks Jack unconscious.

I should mention the flashbacks for this episode involved Jack and his ex-wife. It is during the moments when she has filed for divorce and Jack realizes she has found someone else. Jack has gone crazy with jealousy and begins doing things to find out who this man is – calling all the numbers on her cell phone, berating her about it and even accusing his father of knowing something, if not being that man.

Once things are cleaned up from the water, the woman begins telling Jack she knows everything about him. She begins telling him all kinds of things she shouldn’t and couldn’t know by simply paying attention to him on the island. Jack asks her about his ex-wife and is told she is happy. Then, Jack finally fully accepts submission and food. As the woman is about to enter, Henry Gale tells her she’s doing a good job and we fade to black.

It was a great episode. Lots of good emotional pull with the back story, a great introduction to new mysteries involving The Others and what exactly they are doing, and plenty of ‘Oh My Gosh’ moments. I do kind of wish they had spent a few moments with our friends on the other side of the island, but the teaser for next week showed we’ll be seeing plenty of them.

Strangely, though I immensely enjoyed the episode, I feel a little letdown. It is probably the down from a big high, but it feels strange knowing what happened after so many months of speculation.

No worry though; I’ll be back up next week when episode two airs.

Spider Forest (2004)

spider forest poster

This was originally written and posted on October 4, 2006.

A Neo-noir mystery wrapped in a detective story pretending to be a horror film, Spider Forest is a little bit of everything but not enough of anything to be as excellent as I had hoped. It starts out incredibly strong but meanders in the middle trying to be as confusing as possible before coming to an interesting if not entirely satisfying ending.

The film begins with Kang Min (Woo-seong Kam) stumbling across a grisly murder in a small cabin in the middle of the woods. A man is gruesomely lying on the floor having been hacked to death, and we see every bloody detail. Unlike most cop shows where dead men have small blood stains on their shirt, but otherwise look perfectly fine, the camera here shows that murder is a disgusting, dirty thing, expulsing blood and guts in a nasty mess.

As Kang Min walks further into the home he sees his girlfriend lying on the bed, beaten and battered. She can only say something about spiders and that she is scared before finally succumbing to death. But what’s this? The killer is still in the house and Kang Min chases him outside into the forest. Unfortunately, the killer is too quick for him and backtracks to beat Kang Min with a club.

Left for dead Kang Min stumbles up and wanders for help on a lone stretch of highway. A car, not seeing him, hits him straight on, and again he is left for dead. He is eventually found and taken to the hospital.

In a wonderful opening scene for Detective Choi (Jang Hyeon-seong) we see him and several other cops staging a raid on a gang resting inside an apartment. As the men give a three count before busting in, Choi’s cellular phone rings and ruins the surprise. With nothing to do but break down the door, the cops charge in and beat the villains to a bloody pulp. Then, while sitting on top of one bad guy, Choi answers his still-ringing phone.

It is a lovely, sadistic, and hilarious bit of filmmaking.

The caller was someone from the hospital informing Choi of Kang Min’s accident and Choi rushes over to meet him.

It is here that the film verges off into the land of confusion. Several times it jumps and cuts through time without much warning. I was often confused as to where I was in the timeline and just who I was seeing on the screen. We see Kang Min meeting his wife, meeting his girlfriend after his wife has died in multiple flashbacks we see the killing in the cabin as King Min begins to remember exactly what did happen.

Some of these scenes are incredibly interesting and kept me begging for more clues, while others tended to drag and not move the plot forward in any distinct way. I suppose this was to add to the mystery of it all and keep the audience guessing, but ultimately it felt like sloppy editing.

I won’t give away the ending, but it is the sort of film that even after everything is wrapped up you may not fully understand. I had to give it considerable thought and consult some online forums to decipher it fully. Which, depending on your personality is either an annoying way to tie things up or a brilliant way to finish.

In the end, it contained a number of wonderful moments but was marred by a lack of consistency in development. What’s brilliant is well worth watching and there is enough to chew on after the credits roll, but the promise of the first twenty minutes is never lived up to in the end.